Good Moms, Difficult Babies
I honestly believe it is the good moms who have such a hard time with their difficult–to-soothe babies. Bad moms don't give a damn whether their baby cries or not. But the good ones do—and they're the ones who get hit the hardest. From the moment of conception, these moms do everything they are told. They eat the right foods, take their vitamins, and avoid cigarettes and alcohol. They do their best at breastfeeding and many are fortunate enough to have success at it. (As a side note, there are millions of wonderful mothers out there who chose not to breastfeed, for whatever reason and that is fine too. It is purely a mother's choice.)
These same good moms let their nesting instinct take over and worked hard at making sure their house was just right for their new baby's grand entrance. Then, two weeks after the baby arrives, she begins to cry. And she cries, and cries, for no apparent reason. Nothing consoles her, not even your boob. This is when the vicious ride ensues and you begin circling the hamster wheel of ineptness, inadequacy, insecurity, and instability.
Coming Out about Colic
Luckily I was stable enough, I guess, and never ended up hurting my baby, or myself for that matter, but I did think about it. It wasn't until I dove into some good, from-the-heart discussions with other moms that I realized my ill feelings towards my baby were quite common. Admitting to others that there was even a fraction of a second that you disliked your child is a hard thing to do.
Although I never once lost my love for Lainey, I really didn't want to be around her that much when she was screaming her lungs out. Confessing your imperfections to fellow moms is kind of like coming out of the closet. It's hard to do but once you come out, you feel better.
4 Truths about Colic
Besides admitting I wasn't perfect, I also discovered some other truths that might help you during this rough time:
- Truth #1: A baby will not break from crying but will break if shaken.
- Truth#2: Your baby will not remember the colicky days but you will remember every second.
- Truth #3: When you reach your breaking point, put the baby in a safe place, and learn to just walk away.
- Truth #4: According to a study published in a respected health journal, approximately 70 percent of mothers had aggressive thoughts and fantasies towards their colicky infants. Twenty six percent admitted to thoughts of killing their baby. Some moms fantasized about smothering their baby with a pillow and others dreamt of throwing their baby out the window. These were ordinary women and all were married.
I imagine these numbers would be higher among women with no support system living in not so favorable conditions. These findings sound horrible, I know, but they are real. It is actually "normal" to have these ill thoughts but it is never normal to act on them.