Your Brilliant Baby in Week 13: The Myth of Spoiling Baby

see larger photo

Baby's Brain in Week 13

Your mother notices how you attend to your child when he cries. Once screeching starts, you check on him to determine if he's crying because he's hungry or because he's distressed from too much sensory stimulation.

After observing your interactions, Gram comes right out and says, "Your baby is crying because he wants you to pick him up. If you do, you'll be spoiling him."

Now you're worried. You thought you were just being attentive and attuned and, well, a good mom. But will all your responsive care lead to a child who is demanding and spoiled?

Research related to the theory of attachment tells moms and dads that actually the opposite is true. By picking up a crying baby and attending to his needs responsively, he'll soon cry less. So there's no need to ration your attention. It's the infant who isn't attended to who cries more, louder, and longer. (Can you imagine the poor researchers who had to endure these crying studies?)

Since your baby can't talk, he communicates with cries, movements, and facial expressions. Once you determine what your baby needs—feeding, sleeping, or comforting—by all means, indulge him. You'll be bringing you both pleasure and building his trust in you.

What does trust mean to an infant? That someone is available on a predictable basis. When your baby knows this, he relaxes. An infant without an attentive parent is stressed, which works against his brain and body developing optimally. Children who feel secure actually explore more and feel safe to satisfy their curiosity.