Diva Alert! What My Baby's Backstage Rider Would Look Like
Many successful and talented musicians have been known to make some pretty specific backstage demands while on tour. My baby's wish list does not pale in comparison.
Musicians have been known to request some pretty crazy things in their tour riders. The rider is an artist’s wish list–detailing things from travel to dressing room accommodations and meals. And musicians aren’t shy about their demands. Mariah Carey has been known to request 20 white kittens and 100 white doves on a tour rider. Everything in J-Lo’s dressing room must be white–couches, flowers, candles, tablecloths, even the walls. Katy Perry has strict instructions that chauffeurs are not to start conversations with her nor stare at the backseat through the rear view mirror. And of course, there’s the infamous Van Halen request that all brown M&Ms be plucked from the group’s candy bowl. Divas! I say! Well, I know a 14-month-old who is also pretty demanding. She wants things her way, and when they’re not delivered, she loses her cool. Now, I’m definitely not saying I give in to all of her requests, but here is what my daughter’s rider would look like if she had one.
Stella’s Hospitality Rider
- All milk should be served at the exact temperature or 79.3 degrees.
- While riding in the car, music should be on. At all times. And at all times, it should be Beyonce.
- Please remove the door to the pantry and stock the bottom shelf with Goldfish Crackers, miniature marshmallows, string cheese and Teddy Grahams.
- Please supply every room with a brand new box of Kleenex, cardboard top removed, for me to empty one tissue at a time.
- Please remove all pants from my wardrobe. Or any other article of clothing which could be deemed restricting or uncomfortable.
- Any shirt which enters my wardrobe should have the neck stretched out to at least twice its original size.
- When traveling by foot, I shall be carried, and never put into the stroller.
- Please include the following items in a bucket to be placed on floor for my enjoyment: cell phones (unlocked), TV remote controls, mom’s necklaces, dad’s watch, a laptop.
- My bath water should be 84 degrees, 7-inches deep, and shall not touch my face.
- Please provide a brand new, never been used toilet, with clean water, lid removed for my splashing pleasure.
- Please also provide me with a collection of my mom’s makeup (lipsticks, eye shadows, make up brushes) to throw into that brand new toilet.
- Please turn me upside down and swing me back and forth by my ankles at least twice a day.
- My sippy cup shall be filled with 100 percent apple juice, not watered down, not even a little bit.
- You will remove all orange and green colored vegetables from within a 2-mile radius of my mouth. Please.
- When lying me down at night, an adult of my choosing, which will be based on my mood at that very moment, will rub my back in a circular motion for approximately 3 minutes until my eyes are either completely closed or ¾ closed
- I shall be sung “Baby Mine” from the Dumbo Soundtrack, at least twice at bedtime, with the volume of the singing voice decreasing steadily starting mid-way through the second performance.
- The kitchen floor shall be freshly mopped immediately prior to me throwing food onto it.
- A grown-up shall be available for at least 10 minutes a day for an enthusiastic session of Peek-a-boo.
- My mom and/or dad shall never be more than 10 paces away from my person at any time.
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