How Your Baby Is Like the Worst Boss Ever
As it happens, bad bosses and babies share a lot of the same traits. Here are some ways that babies could be compared to that tyrannical, nightmare of a boss—just by being a baby.
You work late into the night. Every night.
This is no cushy 9-to-5. This baby boss has you burning the midnight oil, midnight after midnight. And when you do sleep, you are still “on call” for pages from that baby monitor.
Photo Credit: Annie Pancake on flikr
She's extremely demanding
When your baby wants something, she wants it NOW. She doesn’t care that you didn’t get any sleep last night, she’s up bright and early, wanting to play at 5 AM. She has no sympathy for your misfortune nor does she care about your weak gag reflex when she vomits in the car while stuck in horrendous traffic. She has no time for excuses. You must multi-task and always be prepared.
Photo Credit: Eric Richardson
There are no bathroom breaks alone
When you have a baby and nature calls, it’s a conference call.
She uses fear tactics to get you to comply
“If you put me down, I’ll flip my lid. Oh, I swear I will. And it won’t be pretty,” threatens my baby as she arches her back and gets into pre-tantrum position, ready to strike if I—*GASP*—set her down on the floor. It does make me think twice. And sometimes I give into the fear.
You rarely get to take lunch
And if you ever do get to lunch, she makes you work throughout.
She expects you to read her mind
Her communication skills are “undeveloped”, so you’re constantly guessing when it comes to her wants and needs. And guessing wrong could have serious consequences. If you make a mistake, she’ll let you know—and t it won’t be constructive criticism. It’ll be more by way of wailing, flailing or a sippy cup to your face!
You don't get any days off
Days off? I don’t think so. Those don’t accumulate for another 18 years.
She throws tantrums
A bad boss doesn’t control her emotions when things aren’t going her way. Instead of calmly explaining to you why she’d like you to take a different approach to things (i.e. “please let me get into your makeup and eat every one of your lipsticks”), the flies off the handle into screams and shouts.
She changes her mind a lot, this little boss. One minute she wants to eat the mashed-up carrots. The next, she wants to throw them onto the ground or rub them into her hair. Sometimes she wants to blow kisses at you, sometimes she wants to head butt you. She can be so wishy-washy.
She gives in to brown-nosing
She responds to bribes in the form of normally off-limits food. If you offer her a Mickey Mouse ice cream bar, she will most definitely favor you. That’s one way to climb the “you’re my favorite grown-up” ladder or to earn “most favored parent” status. That is, if you’re OK with being a suck up, DAD.
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