Things I Do As a Mom When No One is Watching
As a mom to a young toddler, I do all the normal, every day parenting things that other parents do, for the most part. I abide by most of the widely accepted parenting rules. I care for my daughter. I show her love. I keep her safe. But I admit that I sometimes do some quirky things and bend some rules when no one is around.
I Lie in My Daughter's Crib With Her
I know it probably looks ridiculous, and I know I’m too big, way over the weight limit, but I sometimes lie in the crib next to my daughter when she just won’t stop crying and just can’t settle down and go to sleep. I think she’s even like, “dude, you shouldn’t be in here,” when she sees my legs bent awkwardly and she feels the wood bow, but she loves me being next to her so she just goes with it. I know you’re thinking that if I’m willing to break the rules so dramatically by lying in the crib, why don’t I just put my daughter into bed with me?” Because my daughter is a wild sleeper, and there’s a 95% chance she’d thrash around after I’ve fallen asleep and fall off the bed. But perhaps there’s really no justifying it. I know that it’s weird.
Photo Credit: Gabriel Villena
I Speak to My Baby in a British Accent
My husband is British, and as such, has a charming, sophisticated-sounding, British accent. He can make the most common and even drab words sound so appealing. He always sounds proper. He said “vacuum cleaner” this morning and I felt the sudden urge to dab the corners of my mouth with a white cloth napkin. So YES, I not-so-secretly wish my daughter could pick up on his accent. Being that we live in the U.S., I’m well aware that this won’t happen, but it doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes put on a thick, British, Judi Dench-type accent when I’m speaking to her when no one else is around. And I all but force her to have tea parties with me so I can say all of those cliché sayings that non-British people always think British people say. (Would you like a spot of tea?)
Photo Credit: Ramsey Beyer on Flikr
I Drink Out of Her Sippy Cup
When I’m thirsty, and there’s a perfectly good, nearly full sippy cup within my reach, I take a swig. What.
Photo Credit: hayleybutlerhs
I Lie Down on the Kitchen Floor
The other day, while I had my daughter secured in her high chair, I got really tired. You know that kind of sudden-onset, mom-fatigue that hits you like a wall of bricks at the first moment you slow down? While my daughter was busy bulldozing her mac and cheese with her palm, I kind of just slooped off the chair and sprawled out on the kitchen floor. I could see her, she could see me, I just really needed to lie down right then and there. So I did. I laid on the kitchen floor while she ate her lunch. Sigh.
I Sometimes Eat Food Off the Floor
My daughter is at that stage, you know, the worst-eater-ever stage. Not only does she refuse to eat most of the things I offer her, she also then throws the food on the floor to get her point across and further secure her title as the Worst Eater Ever. I am a clean person, I sweep and mop my floors. And frankly, I really like kids food. So yes, from time to time, I eat that food that she’s thrown on the floor. I’m shaking my head along with you.
Photo Credit: Nat Ch Villa on Flikr
I Learn Beyoncé Dances
When no one is around, you may find me standing in front of my computer learning the choreography from Beyoncé’s latest video. My 16-monthoold daughter is obsessed with Bey, and so I consider it an act of love for my daughter to learn and be able to correctly do the accompanying dances when we play Beyoncé’s music. Also, I’ll be able to teach my daughter these moves (the less sexy ones) in a few years. Hello, duets!
Sure there are things I miss about being pregnant—the sweet baby kicks, the lustrous hair, the excitement about the little one you are soon to meet, the not having a period. But, let’s be real—there are things that also really suck about being pregnant. Here are the things I don’t miss.view gallery
YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN