Years ago adoption was considered a secret. Today in my lifetime, things have changed considerably. It is such a blessing to give your child a lifestyle that maybe you couldn’t have provided yourself.
At sixteen I found myself pregnant and had a beautiful little girl. I considered adoption but decided I could make it on my own without a husband. I planned on attending and finishing college. While achieving my goal to finish school at 21 years of age, I fell for a man in one of my classes. We developed a relationship and soon became engaged. Within a few months of our engagement I found myself pregnant once again. Robert (my fiancé) couldn’t face up to it and disappeared from my world. I was stuck and felt hopeless.
Abortion is not something I would even consider. But I was 21 and already had a four-year old child. How could I possibly raise a four-year old and a newborn, finish school and work? It was a terrible situation for me to be in. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown and was reaching the point of depression.
In my fifth month of pregnancy, I ran into some of my parents’ friends that I’d met years ago. We began talking and I found out that they had been trying to adopt a baby but had been unsuccessful in their attempts. Every time they came close, the birth mothers would decide to keep the baby at the last minute. I went home to my mother and told her that I wanted to give them my baby.
During the remainder of my pregnancy the other couple and I spoke about twice a week. I called them when I was in labor and they arrived at the hospital soon after my little girl was born. I held my baby and looked at her with hope. Letting go was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I felt crushed when I left the hospital without a baby in the backseat, but I knew in my heart that this was the best decision I could have made.
Today Emily is a beautiful, blonde-haired girl with big green eyes. She will be five in October. There has never been a day that I regretted my decision to give her to this loving couple. She is so much better off there and has a warm and loving family. We chose open adoption so I still see Emily and she knows I am her birth mommy. She calls me Mommy-Rachel. I loved that little girl so much that I gave her a life that I couldn’t possibly have provided for her at the time. I hope one day she can understand that.
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