I was diagnosed with preeclampsia toward the end of my pregnancy. After several non-stress tests I was put on bed rest at 37½ weeks. I continued going in for non-stress tests and when I went in the day before I was 39 weeks, my blood pressure was really high. My doctor decided to admit me and started an induction by giving me gels. By that evening, I had progressed some, and my doctor gave me the option of going home to sleep in my own bed, which I gladly took advantage of. I had contractions through the night, but mostly, I slept right through them.
We arrived back at the hospital the next morning at 7 AM. My doctor told us that we probably wouldn’t have the baby until Sunday, so we were ready for the long haul. By 1:30 PM, the doctor broke my water, started me on Pitocin, and we were on our way into full labor! I did request and receive an intrathecal morphine when I was at five centimeters, which allowed them to up the Pitocin to speed things along. At some point in the afternoon, they also gave me magnesium sulfate for the preeclampsia.
By 7 PM, I was fully dilated. I pushed for a little over two hours and Claire was born at 9:40 PM. Pushing my baby into the world was the most empowering, awesome experience in my life. I loved it! That's not to say, though, that it wasn't painful. It was, but I was a powerful and capable woman! And I have never before, or since, felt the rush of adrenaline that I felt after she was born.
That being said, I also would like expectant mothers to know that I did not feel the overpowering love I thought would be instantaneous when Claire was born. I was very apathetic toward her at first, and this feeling totally caught me off guard. I was expecting instant love and instant bonding.
I didn't beat myself up over feeling that way, but I was disappointed in myself and felt guilty for having those feelings. I just want other mothers-to-be to know this is a possibility and can be a normal reaction.