Getting a baby to nap while the soundtrack to “Beauty and the Beast” blares in the room across the hall is a little bit of a challenge. Enter white noise. White noise is a synonym for magic. It drowns out ambient sounds (like big sisters crying from time out) and helps your baby sleep better. I love using my white noise apps when the baby has to nap on the go, or when both kids have to sleep at grandma’s house. Here are five of my favorites.
Lyz is a freelance writer, with an MFA in creative writing from Lesley University. She also works as a blogger for the Huffington Post and a regular contributor to Mommyish, Mom.me and The Real Moms of Eastern Iowa, a hyper-local mom blog and most importantly BabyZone. Her writing has been published in Real Weddings, Guidepost, The Des Moines Register and YourTango, LearnVest, and Babble.com. She has been syndicated on MSNBC, The Today Show Website, Yahoo! Shine, and MSN Glo. She maintains a blog about pants, chicken nuggets and babies over on LyzLenz.com.
“Do you have the stuff?” I asked in a hushed voice.
My friend nodded and handed me a bag. I cast a furtive glance around the parking lot to make sure no one saw, then stuffed the bag in my trunk. The bag was heavy and it clanked when I set it down. Inside was my deep dark secret: store-bought baby food.
There is much made of fitting into your pre-pregnancy pants. But why bother? Pants are the enemy of the postpartum stomach. Also, when you are sleep deprived, the last thing you need is the pressure of buttoning jeans. Here are five of my favorite things to wear, besides pants.
Hey new moms, just in case you aren’t already stressed out about vaccines, Tylenol, your baby’s milestones, working, not working, breastfeeding, formula, sleep and your ruined lady bits—just to name a few—you now have one more thing to worry about: that glass of wine that you have to, you know, help you relax.
Having a baby isn’t the grand bargain you expected. All of a sudden, there is a little unreasonable person, who looks like an old man, making ridiculous demands and threatening to shut down the whole operation. Babies, they are like Congress—whiny, unreasonable and unmoved by logic. Frankly, you’re better off negotiating with Iran than getting your baby to sleep.
Our house was built in 1925, back when two-year-olds milked the cows and earned their keep. Consequently, we don’t have an open floor plan. And while I love the ability to sneak cookies behind my kid’s back, I don’t love that I occasionally have to step out of the room and leave my daughter alone with her three-month-old brother.
At a local playgroup, my daughter set up shop near the block area and began barking orders to a little boy. I smiled at the dad, who like me was carrying an infant in an Ergo, and apologized.
“Hey, it’s okay,” he said. “He’s probably going to kick over the tower in a minute.”
Just then, a woman came over and put a protective hand on the man’s shoulder. “This is my husband,” she said. “These are my kids.”
“These are mine.” I gestured to my children. “Nice to meet you.”
When I saw that J.Crew had a new line of baby clothes, I was relieved. Now, I can stop throwing money away at those shoddily constructed Etsy clothes and show my baby’s superiority the way God intended: with a $178 cashmere romper. Because how else is my baby supposed to exude pretension?
You have a baby. So putting on pants is hard, add in remembering to buy candy and figuring out a Halloween costume for your little and they might as well call the holiday Christmas for all the stress. Don’t worry. We have you covered. You can make all of these costumes with what you have in your home. No sewing. No buying. No glue. No problem.
In a cunning new ploy to get women every where to hate each other, science has proven that women can smell each other ovulating, like we’re competitive feral animals.
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