Change the Pattern
Dr. Yarian says that one of the reasons couples seek his help as a sex therapist is because their lovemaking has falling into a predictable, and therefore boring, pattern. He makes the analogy, "Nobody wants to eat hamburgers for dinner every day." And that means trying to make your lovemaking as varied as your diet.
If you're not sure exactly how to do that … just ask. Both Dr. Feingold and Dr. Yarian suggest asking your partner what would make them feel good. You may be surprised by the answer. One partner might like to try something new, but another might think that a backrub would ease the tension and ignite a spark.
Bring Sexy Back
There's no denying that when we act sexy, we feel sexy. Think back to when you were dating and tried to look good every time you saw your lover. Remember calling each other during the day and planning the evening ahead. So try ditching the sweatpants and flirting a little like the old days.
Donna says, "Reminding my husband that 'tonight is a green dot night!' was a bit like teasing or foreplay when we talked during the day."
A good friend who declined to be quoted directly said that her pregnancies were the result of Chardonnay and KY jelly. "When all else fails," she says, "inebriation and lubrication are the keys to a successful encounter." While that may seem indelicate in the face of long-term infertility, the bottom line is that whatever helps sperm meet ovum on those all-important days is a good thing.