When Baby-Making Becomes a Chore

Grin and Bear It

Sometimes, despite the wine and candles, your inner spark fails to ignite. And that's normal. If you can just show up and give it the old college try, you're doing fine.

"There's a cultural myth that you're supposed to be in the mood or wildly aroused to have sex with your partner," says Dr. Yarian. "The reality is that in long-term marriages people figure out that one person is in the mood at one time and the other at another time."

Donna laughs that during a few of her "green dot days" neither she nor her husband were in the mood! "Sometimes he'd get warmed up in the bathroom first, then come wake me up for the finale," she recalls. "Lower your expectations for those times you're required to have sex because a quickie can get you just as pregnant."

This Too Shall Pass

Scheduled baby-making isn't exactly romantic, but with persistence and a little luck, it can be a temporary rough patch. As a couple, your intimate life will continually evolve; it will ebb and flow throughout your lives together, so consider this time a single chapter in the story of your life. While sex-on-demand can be a mood killer, this too shall pass. When things get really boring or even downright stressful, try to remember that a child is the physical manifestation of your love for one another, and as Elizabeth says, "The reward is well worth the troublesome process."