When Baby-Making Becomes a Chore
How to cope with scheduled sex and the pressure to produce
Likewise, nothing puts the brakes on a man’s desire like a partner who constantly bends his ear about the same stressful topic. When he’s about to have sex, he’d probably like to concentrate on certain female body parts that don’t include ovaries or fallopian tubes!
One way to stop obsessing is to be mindful of how often you bring the topic up in conversation and pay attention to the reaction of your partner. If your spouse gets that glazed-over look, changes the topic, or gets upset, those are clear signs that they’ve had enough.
Dr. Feingold says, “If one person is expressing tremendous anxiety, it can cause the other person to feel helpless and then to withdraw. This leads to couples feeling disconnected. It may be important for a partner to express anxiety to their significant other, but these talks are best if they are time limited, say 15 minutes that are devoted to worries. However, during this time, the partner needs to be attentive; no checking email, playing solitaire, or watching TV. Afterwards it is important for discussions to move from talking about anxiety to talking about planning and coping.”
Joining a club, taking up a hobby, or becoming interested in something other than becoming pregnant is another good way to keep from becoming fixated on your fertility. “If you can, take a month off,” suggests Dr. Feingold. “Remember that there are other important things in your life.”
Change the Venue
One way to keep baby-making from turning into drudgery in the first place is to make it extra special, even better than ordinary sex. “During the Clomid cycles, I planned little ‘we’re making a baby’ weekend getaways,” Elizabeth says.
If you can’t get away from home, you can do something as simple as dinner and a movie on your conception days. Or cook a special dinner together before retiring to the bedroom. Or skip the bedroom and try a change of location within your own home! Couples can take turns being in charge of planning a special evening. Anything to make it unique will lighten the mood and add an element of fun.
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