Fertility Treatment Side Effects, Part II: The Out-of-Body Experience
How to cope with strain in your budget, your bedroom, and your conversations
Sex on Demand
Assisted reproduction isn’t for go-with-the-flow types because it requires a strict adherence to schedules for medications, doctor’s appointments, and intercourse. Men may initially think sex on demand sounds exciting, but there’s nothing like syringes, ovulation predictor kits, calendars, and an anxious wife to put a damper on a guy’s libido. After a while, sex becomes a means to an end instead of a form of intimacy or just plain fun! A strained sexual relationship can add to the stress of infertility, eventually creating a rift in your relationship. So what’s a couple to do when a roll in the hay turns into a chore?
Make It Special
If scheduled sex is getting boring, you can give Cupid a hand by making an effort to make it more special. It can be as simple as texting your partner a flirty message like, “Looking forward to tonight!” Or eating by candlelight, pouring some wine, and making a date of it. My good friend got pregnant thanks to Trivial Pursuit … with a twist. She and her husband made a rule that if you got a question wrong, you had to remove an article of clothing; if you earned a game piece, you could request kiss or other form of affection from your opponent. Get creative. Be romantic. Have fun!
Ban Baby Talk from the Bedroom
Talking about basal temperatures and cervical mucus isn’t going to rev anybody’s engine, so save the conception discussions for another time. Sex is supposed to be, well, sexy! That means it’s better to whisper sweet nothings in your partner’s ear than to sigh, “I hope it works this time.” Likewise, it’s much more exciting to suggest, “Why don’t you dim the lights and come sit by me?” than it is to ask, “Did you wear boxers all week and avoid hot tubs?” Try to keep your mind off your uterus, so you can focus on feeling good and connecting with your mate.
Just Do It—Really
Sometimes despite all your efforts, neither of you is in the mood for love. But when the doctor says it’s time to get down to business, you have to make it work. Denise from Brooklyn says, “When I was on Clomid to prepare for artificial insemination, there were times when my husband would spend a little ‘alone time’ in the bathroom before coming to bed and doing the deed. It wasn’t romantic, but we got pregnant!” There’s nothing wrong with making love on some days and just making a baby on others. If a glass of wine helps you relax or a magazine helps him get in the zone, that’s totally cool, because it doesn’t take fireworks to conceive a baby. Some guys ask their own physicians about Viagra.
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