The desire to have another baby isn't rational or reasonable. In fact, the word most women use to describe themselves while trying to conceive after a loss is "obsessive," write Douglas and Dr. Sussman.
Nevertheless, writing out a list can be enlightening for some couples. Here are some pros and cons to consider:
Reasons to try to conceive quickly:
- It gives you something to focus on and take hope from during a difficult time of loss.
- If time isn't on your side, it might make sense to try again soon to beat the biological clock.
Cons of trying again very soon after a loss include:
- You might simply be brushing aside your grief instead of dealing with it.
- Family and friends may not be as supportive and thoughtful about your loss after you share the news that you're expecting again.
- Your body might not be ready to support a pregnancy, especially if you were full term or near term, which puts you at an increased risk of experiencing another loss, according to Douglas and Dr. Sussman.
Consensus Is Key
Perhaps, like my husband and me, you and your spouse see eye to eye regarding TTC after loss; or maybe you are miles apart. Either way, it's important to talk about the decision together. The partner who is more eager than the other needs to recognize that both partners need to feel prepared for the next pregnancy.
"If you find you and your partner are on different timetables when it come to embarking on a subsequent pregnancy, you should make a point to listen—really listen—to one another's concerns," write Douglas and Dr. Sussman. "Sometimes all that's holding the reluctant partner back is the need to have his or her concerns taken seriously and to be given the time he or she needs to resolve those concerns."