It's also OK to take a hiatus from talking about the subject. Sometimes the father, in particular, feels overwhelmed by the mother's drive to have another baby. Taking a break gives each person time to consider his or her feelings and dreams.
The night Becky Ellis, a mom from Dallas, Texas, delivered her stillborn son, she and her husband had a talk about trying to conceive. "David and I decided that we would not even discuss the topic of trying to have another baby for six to 12 months. We have several friends that have lost babies either within the first year of their lives or because of poor prenatal testing," says Ellis. "I needed to know that David was still open to trying to have another baby, but I knew we couldn't have handled it emotionally to jump right back into the entire process."
Emotions While TTC
Even without experiencing a loss, people who want to become parents face trying to conceive with mixed emotions. For a couple who is praying for a healthy baby after a loss, the days, weeks, and months of temperature charting, meetings with fertility doctors, and endless rounds of ovulation predictor kits and home pregnancy tests can be torturous.
"Trying to conceive was frustrating as I've never easily gotten pregnant before," says Czajkowski. "I felt like there was a large clock ticking and time was quickly running out, even though I'm only 31 years old. I guess it's because we've been trying to have a living child since 2002. [Czajkowski experienced a miscarriage 14 weeks into her first pregnancy prior to conceiving Catherine.] In the meantime we've had friends have not one child, but go on to have their second child before we could have one living one."
Impatience is common. "If you've got your heart set on conceiving again quickly, you may find that your entire emotional state hinges on what stage you are at in your menstrual cycle," write Douglas and Dr. Sussman.