So Many Benefits of Sex... So Why Don't I Want to Do It?
To Maternity… and Beyond! Chelsea Day knows that the sure fire way to get pregnant is to have sex. Unfortunately, getting in the mood isn't such a sure thing.
How long we’ve been trying: 260 days
Number of pregnancy tests to date: 25
How many times we’ve had sex: 70
The strategy: Just do it.
Everything I’ve read about baby-making, baby-having, and life in general leads me to this conclusion: sex is good for you. Sex makes the world go round. It helps you lose weight, boosts immunity, and can reduce chronic pain. Scientists believe that having sex even boosts libido and makes people want more sex in an awesome self-perpetuating cycle. A recent study even showed that sex actually makes you smarter. Perhaps all those girls who screwed their way through college were onto something…
With all that in mind, though, I still feel like I’m having to force myself through the motions. Don’t get me wrong—my husband is a stud! On the surface, there is no reason for me not to want sex all day, every day. I love my kids so much that I am positive I want more of them. But I’m tired. I get up early, run my own business, attempt to keep the house in some semblance of order, wrangle the children, and try to make sure we all get a certain standard of sustenance throughout the day. Given the choice between sleep and sex, I often opt for the snooze button.
The whole “not making time for sex” thing is obviously putting a damper on trying to get pregnant again. I’m not stupid. I do know where babies come from. I track my ovulation and maximize sexy time during the optimum baby-having window. Let’s face it, though: nobody wants to get down and dirty based on a calendar. Setting a sex timer doesn’t exactly put me in the mood.
Come to think of it, nowadays, nothing puts me in the mood. Am I broken? Or am I just in a rut?
As much as having sex can make couples feel more intimate and make them crave more, the reverse is also true. Putting off sex due to timing or circumstances turns into a vicious cycle of its own. Not sleeping with my husband when I know I should makes me feel inadequate. My self-esteem dips and I become overly critical. There’s no bigger turn-off than self-pity.
I try to make it happen anyway, but it doesn’t make my husband feel good to see my lack of enthusiasm. I’ve never been a good liar, and that’s especially apparent in the sack. I’m not one of those “fake it till you make it” people. I’m either feeling it or I’m not. And he knows me well enough to know when I’m not. He ends up confused and deflated and those in-the-bed feelings carry over to real-life arguments, feeding the cycle of unsexiness. Bickering and frustration doesn’t make for a particularly romantic atmosphere. It spirals on and on until one of us manages to hit the reset button, recognizing that our busy lives are causing external factors to affect us in a very real way.
Couple all this with the fact that I really, really want to have more children as soon as possible. Each month’s cycle brings about a wave of anger and sadness that leaves a bad taste in my mouth about the whole thing. The idea of sex is now associated with negative feelings. It’s no wonder I’m not exactly raring to go.
The solution? It’s time to hit that reset button again. I’m shifting priorities to make more time for my husband and I. It’s not easy righting a course when things get off-track, but I really only see one way of fixing this.
Just do it.
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