Small Children and Funerals
If children do want to attend a funeral or memorial, they should be told beforehand what will take place—who will be there, what will happen, where it will be, how people will be sad, etc. This is another opportunity for parents to answer questions.
While a parent doesn't want to fall apart hysterically in front of a child, "it is important to express feelings and be a healthy role model," says Ott. Children are greatly aware of a parent's response to grief, and when they see an adult express sadness, it demonstrates that it's OK to cry and be sad. If an adult puts on a "brave face" and avoids crying or talking about the dead person, it sends the message that the adult isn't that upset by the death and perhaps the child's own feelings are wrong.
It is important for children to demonstrate their own love for adults; allow children to care for you, as you are also grieving. Encourage your children to share their feelings, and you can share with them.