Raising Resilient Children

1. Competency

Do not do for children what they can do for themselves; it will make them feel as if you don't believe they can do it, and they will begin to lose faith in themselves. Constantly expand their skill repertoire by training them in new skills as they grow older and more capable. Remember to anticipate lots of mistakes during the learning curve. Be supportive and encouraging.

2. Listening

When children are describing their self-talk, listen to what they are saying and paraphrase it back to them. If you are interpreting their thoughts, check to verify with them that you've got it right. Don't tell them what they are thinking; let them tell you. Acknowledge that you've heard what they say, even when you are helping them by providing a reality check.

3. Appreciation

Have a regular time, such as at a family meeting or weekly family dinner, when each member of the family tells something they specifically appreciate about the other family members. This will point out to children some of the real things that others see as special in them as well as training children to notice positive things about themselves and others. In addition to formal appreciations, frequently acknowledge your children's efforts and accomplishments. Detailed and specific encouragement will give your child helpful feedback that does not disappoint (in the way that praise or lack of praise can), or distract, like self-esteem methods.

4. Modeling

Practice resilience in your own life. It will help you deal better with the challenges of being a parent and also be an important tool in teaching your children. When it is appropriate, share with your children your own resiliency struggles and how you successfully dealt with them, or how you messed up and what lessons you learned for the next time.

5. Helping Others

Find opportunities for your children to work with or for others, such as other family members, the neighborhood or school community or even the larger society. It helps us put our own woes in perspective and we also feel better about ourselves when we make a contribution to others.

The Parent Encouragement Program (PEP) will be offering training for parents on teaching resiliency to children in the late fall. PEP's regular classes and workshops teach practical skills for raising capable, encouraged children. Visit PEP: Parenting Education or call at 301-929-8824 for more information.