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WAHMJust the Facts Ma’am
Is honesty always the best policy? Probably not. Although every new mother is asked, “How’s it going?” people really don’t want to hear about leaky breasts or how your dog keeps stealing and burying dirty diapers. ut sometimes an honest and direct response can be just the thing to turn an awkward situation into a pleasant conversation.
Take your pick of responses from this handy-dandy table of nosy questions and clever comebacks for every situation.
| Desperate Distractions | Wonderful Wisecracks | Perfectly Polite | |
|
Pregnancy |
|||
| What are you having? | Contractions. Gimme a minute here. | We’re hoping for a baby. | It’s a boy! |
| Was this planned? | Was that Elvis?? | No, we were kind of hoping Steve would get pregnant this time. | Yes, we're thrilled. |
| Are you going to breastfeed? | Oh my! Look at the time. | I could tell you but I'd have to kill you. | Yes, that's the plan. |
| How long do you plan on breastfeeding? | Did you lose weight? You look fabulous! | Until he's twelve. | As long as I can, but we'll see how it goes. |
| Why aren't you breastfeeding? | What do you think sounds better, "potayto" or "potahto"? | Are you volunteering for the job? | Bottle-feeding works out better for our situation. |
| How long will you take off work? | Did I just hear the fire alarm? | Until they apprehend me in Mexico with the payroll checks. | I'm working that out with my boss right now. |
| Fertility | |||
| Why do you go to the doctor so often? | Mild case of hypochondria. A little cortisone should clear it right up. | I like to get naked for strangers. | We're trying to get pregnant and need a little medical assistance. |
| Does that mean you're going to have like eight babies or something? | You've got rabies or something? That's terrible! | Yes, we're starting our own baseball team. | No, it's not like that. |
| You're doing in vitro? What's wrong? | My favorite song? The Sounds of Silence. | I stood too close to the microwave and was accidentally sterilized. | We're unable to conceive the old fashioned way, so keep your fingers crossed for us. |
| You know if you just relax and stop trying, you'll probably get pregnant. | I think you've got a little something in between your teeth. | Well thank you Dr. Busybody! | I've heard those stories, but our problem is actually a medical one. |
| Low sperm count or blocked tubes? | Whoops! That's my pager. Excuse me. | Low IQ or just rude? | It’s actually a hormone issue, kind of complicated to explain. |
| Childbirth | |||
| Are you having a natural childbirth? | I'm delivering at Valley Regional. They come highly recommended. | No, I'm having a pretend childbirth where you deliver a Cabbage Patch doll. | No two deliveries are the same, so I'm going to play it by ear. |
| Did you have to have an episiotomy? | You know I've never known how to spell that! Why don't you go look it up? | Did you have to have that lobotomy? | Indeed I did pass the Tylenol! |
| Why did you have a C-section? | Don't you just love autumn? | Geez, I guess checked the wrong box on the delivery preferences form! | The baby was in danger, but she's fine now. |