The Art of the Comeback
Great responses to common pregnancy and parenting questions
Just the Facts Ma’am
Is honesty always the best policy? Probably not. Although every new mother is asked, “How’s it going?” people really don’t want to hear about leaky breasts or how your dog keeps stealing and burying dirty diapers. ut sometimes an honest and direct response can be just the thing to turn an awkward situation into a pleasant conversation.
Take your pick of responses from this handy-dandy table of nosy questions and clever comebacks for every situation.
|What are you having?||Contractions. Gimme a minute here.||We’re hoping for a baby.||It’s a boy!|
|Was this planned?||Was that Elvis??||No, we were kind of hoping Steve would get
pregnant this time.
|Yes, we’re thrilled.|
|Are you going to
|Oh my! Look at the time.||I could tell you but I’d have to kill you.||Yes, that’s the plan.|
|How long do you plan on
|Did you lose weight? You look fabulous!||Until he’s twelve.||As long as I can, but we’ll see how it goes.|
|Why aren’t you
|What do you think sounds better,
“potayto” or “potahto”?
|Are you volunteering for the job?||Bottle-feeding works out better for our
|How long will you take off
|Did I just hear the fire alarm?||Until they apprehend me in Mexico with the
|I’m working that out with my boss right now.|
|Why do you go to the
doctor so often?
|Mild case of hypochondria. A little
cortisone should clear it right up.
|I like to get naked for strangers.||We’re trying to get pregnant and need a
little medical assistance.
|Does that mean you’re
going to have like eight babies or something?
|You’ve got rabies or something? That’s
|Yes, we’re starting our own baseball team.||No, it’s not like that.|
|You’re doing in vitro?
|My favorite song? The Sounds of Silence.||I stood too close to the microwave and was
|We’re unable to conceive the old fashioned
way, so keep your fingers crossed for us.
|You know if you just relax
and stop trying, you’ll probably get pregnant.
|I think you’ve got a little something in
between your teeth.
|Well thank you Dr. Busybody!||I’ve heard those stories, but our problem is
actually a medical one.
|Low sperm count or blocked
|Whoops! That’s my pager. Excuse me.||Low IQ or just rude?||It’s actually a hormone issue, kind of
complicated to explain.
|Are you having a natural
|I’m delivering at Valley Regional. They come
|No, I’m having a pretend childbirth
where you deliver a Cabbage Patch doll.
|No two deliveries are the same, so I’m
going to play it by ear.
|Did you have to have
|You know I’ve never known how to spell that!
Why don’t you go look it up?
|Did you have to have that lobotomy?||Indeed I did pass the Tylenol!|
|Why did you have a
|Don’t you just love autumn?||Geez, I guess checked the wrong box on the
delivery preferences form!
|The baby was in danger, but she’s fine now.|
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