I Secretly Wanted Twins
The thought of having twins was scary, yet exciting to me.
“Are you sure you’re not having twins?” I was asked a few times during both of my pregnancies. While some expectant mothers don’t like being asked that question (can’t blame them, it’s usually aimed at the size of their belly), I felt a little giddy each time I heard it during my first pregnancy. The thought of having twins was exciting to me.
I’ve always wanted at least two children and the idea of twins was appealing. One pregnancy, two babies! With feeling pressure to have kids before I get too old, this seemed like the best way to speed things up.
Growing up, I was intrigued by twins I knew at school. They had a built-in best friend… or so it seemed from my perspective. Although I had sisters, none of them lived with me, so I was the only child at home (And I wished for a younger brother for years!).
When we were having difficulty conceiving and it looked like we might try fertility treatments, the possibility of twins became real to me. Scary and exciting, but mostly scary. Everything about becoming a mom was suddenly scary, but even more so as I learned about the risks and complications of having multiples.
It wasn’t until after getting pregnant on our own that my wish for twins returned. I’m not sure why I kept it hush-hush, perhaps because it was something we had very little control over? Or fear of looking ungrateful to be blessed with one baby while dreaming about two? And dream I did. I had crazy pregnancy dreams about finding out I was carrying twins.
As people continued to ask about my growing belly, I knew there was no way I was carrying multiples. There was no way one was hiding behind the other, waiting to surprise us on delivery day, as some suggested. We received far too many ultrasounds for that to be possible. Still, the thought made me smile while silently vowing not to dress them identically no matter how adorable they would look.
After having my daughter, I wondered how the heck we would have survived bringing home two new little babies. It was overwhelming with just one! While I may no longer daydream about twins of my own, I do have a lot of respect for moms of multiples.
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