Moms Then and Now

Moms Then

Moms Today

Moms Tomorrow

Protected babies from the sun with...

A hat.

PABA-free SPF 50 sunscreen.

Sunscreen is found to be unhealthy.Back to the hat!

Soothed teething pain with...

A little whiskey rubbed on the gums.

FDA-approved Orajel® or a frozen whole wheat bagel to chew on.

Homeopathic tablets and organic herbs.

Discovered the sex of the baby...

In the delivery room.

During a 20-week ultrasound.

Using a simple home gender test purchased at a drug store.

Managed labor pain using...

What labor pain? They were unconscious!

Epidurals, epidurals, epidurals.

What labor pain? Yoga and hypnotherapy eliminate all pain.

Used the latest technology to...

X-ray their bellies in search of birth defects.

Pipe Mozart into the womb with MP3 players.

Perform lasik surgery in utero to correct vision problems before they develop.

Finally got the son or daughter they hoped for by...

Having kids until the right one showed up.

Using the Chinese Calendar conception method.

Creating embryos via in-vitro fertilization and only implanting the embryos of the desired sex.

Views on breastfeeding:

Unhealthy and low class.

The healthy choice for babies if it's the best choice for Mom.

The only choice. Wet nurses and milk banks are all the rage for working moms.

Views on formula:

Science knows best. It's easy, healthy, and sterile.

With new nutrients added all the time, it's a great alternative to nursing.

Unhealthy and low class.

Drove baby home from the hospital in...

Her lap.

A rear-facing car seat in the backseat.

A 32-point restraint system with NASA-approved infant shock absorber system.

Helped baby go to sleep with...

The infant seat on the washing machine.

Lavender and chamomile scented baby lotion and womb sounds CD.

Placing the baby in the Home Womb Experience sleeping cocoon. Moms everywhere are touting the "Put a Womb in Your Room" slogan!

People present in the delivery room were...

The doctor and a nurse.

Husband, doula, mom, dad, and best friend, plus the doctor and a nurse.

Husband, children, acupuncturist, hypnotist, and a midwife. The doctor has a pager in case of an emergency.

Mothers-to-be wet their whistles with...

A gin and tonic.

A glass of lemonade.

Vitamin infused spring water.

Popular wisdom regarding solid foods was...

Rice cereal at 4 weeks and mashed bananas a week later.

Rice cereal at 4 months and mashed bananas a month later.

Breast milk exclusively for the first year. No eggs or strawberries until kindergarten. Peanut butter is so risky, it becomes a delicacy like Japanese puffer fish.

Felt that smoking was...

A great way to relax while pregnant and if the little ones were getting hyper.

An unhealthy habit, especially during pregnancy and around young children.

Against the law. Instead of going for that skinny "heroin chick" look, kids will stain their fingers yellow and stop brushing their teeth to be "Marlboro Chic."

Booster seats were used...

By toddlers In restaurants.

By children in cars until the age of 8.

By minors in cars until the age of 18 or a doctor confirmed that the child had finished growing.

Number of vaccinations per child:

Five including polio, measles, and rubella.The last smallpox vaccine was given in 1970.

Twenty, including chicken pox and pneumonia.

Fifty-two, including strep throat, athletes foot, and pimples.

Popular names for girls:

Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer!

Grace, Emma, and Olivia.

With the rise of hoity-toity names, Cecilia, Victoria, and Melodia won't even sound remotely weird.

Popular names for boys:

Michael, Christopher, and Jason.

Logan, Aiden, Alden, Caden, Slayden, Hayden, Jaden, Jordan, and Ethan.� Basically, if it ends with an "un" sound, it's perfect.

Maybe all the boys will just be named Un.

Number of children born via in-vitro fertilization:

One: Louise Brown in 1978 was the first "test tube baby."

More than 35,000 in the year 2000.

17,500. The other 17,500 will be cloned because it's so much fun to relive your childhood, but in much cooler clothes and no dorky haircuts this time around!

Birth control options included...

The Pill, condoms, IUDs, and the cross-your-fingers-and-pray-like-hell method.

The Pill, condoms, sponges, IUDs, the patch, the shots, Norplant, cervical cap, etc.

A free, 60-second, painless procedure is available to make men temporarily sterile for up to five years at a time. But guys are still too macho and afraid of anyone touching them "down there" to get it done. To combat the problem, scientists develop a tiny contraceptive patch for men that lasts up to a year at a time. But since most males are unable to remember to pick up their clothes or take out the garbage, remembering the monthly patch is waaaay too much effort. Women retain control of contraception and The Pill still reigns supreme.