Protecting Your Parental Privacy from Friends and Family

by Deborah Bohn

Here are a few examples to get you started:

Invasive Inquiries Perfectly Polite Wonderful Wisecracks Laughable Lies

How long are you going to let her sleep in your bed?

 Until she's ready to move into her own room. Until I feel like having sex again. We'll probably draw the line at 13 or 14 years.
When are you going to stop giving him a bottle in the middle of the night? We're waiting to see if he outgrows the need for it soon. When are you going to mind your own business? Oh we don't get up! He can make it all by himself.
Is he still drinking from a bottle? He can drink from a cup, but prefers the bottle at nighttime. He's just doing it to annoy you. Of course! Didn't you know that doctors are recommending bottles until kindergarten?
How can you let her eat those potato chips? She eats a healthy diet, so a few snacks are fine. They go really well with her favorite beer. This brand is fortified with 10 essential vitamins and minerals.
When are you going to stop breastfeeding? Probably when she turns one. When I've saved up enough money to buy breasts this big! I weaned her months ago; she's just doing this out of habit!
You should put him in Time Out for talking back. Thanks, but I've got it under control. Really? It didn't work for you. I'll chain him to the radiator when we get home.

He's not potty trained yet?

 We're working on it. Hey, my husband isn't either, so give the kid a break! He was born without a bladder, so it could take a few more years.

Why do you still let her use a pacifier?

 Our doctor says it's not a problem and she'll give it up in good time. Because she can't talk when it's in her mouth. A recent study linked pacifiers use to IQ scores, so we're all for it!

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