Giving Moms Groups a Second Chance
My first attempt to join a moms group a few years ago didn't go so well. I felt like an outsider and quit going. Now I'm ready to try again for me and my kids.
When I was pregnant with my first baby, I looked forward to joining a moms group. I really didn’t know anything about them, but I liked the idea of getting together with a regular group of moms and their kids. In my mind it’d be like a circle of best friends. And I was going to need new mom friends since I had few friends in the havin’ babies life stage with me.
Unfortunately, I didn’t really know how to find a moms group to join. Plus, I was feeling intimidated and insecure, not only as a new mom but because finding new mom friends felt like dating.
Once my daughter was about a year old, I felt the need to find a group. I figured at least my daughter should have some other kids to interact with. A few months later, I joined a group based on a recommendation. I paid the membership fee and started taking my daughter to their meetings. It wasn’t easy to be as involved as I wanted to be since we only had one car. Most of the activities were scheduled during weekdays when my husband needed the car for work. I tried to attend what I could, but needed to find a few activities closer to home too.
Since they encouraged members to plan activities as well, I figured that might help bring some people to us when we couldn’t go to them. So I tried scheduling a few on their forum. At the first playdate two moms came over with their kids, but they ignored me at my own house and just talked together. The second one had several RSVPs leading up to it, but then everyone cancelled the night before and that morning. Hoping third time was a charm, I tried again but one no one responded. Meanwhile, I was still attending the member meetings and a few activities. The last event we went to was a large St. Patrick’s Day party. Another mom introduced herself and when I said my name she loudly said “Oh, you’re the one who keeps scheduling playdates no one goes to!”
I was so embarrassed, I left.
My experience felt like the moms group version of high school with all of its cliques. I was the new mom and didn’t feel the least bit welcome. It was the exact opposite of what I thought the purpose was for such groups.
Now, a couple years later, I’m willing to give them a try again. For one, I don’t feel like such a rookie mom anymore. But mostly, it’s for my kids. My daughter loves her dance and gymnastic classes. Both kids love story time at the library. They enjoy those times with other kids and I’ve made friends with some of the other moms. That’s led to birthday parties and playdate invites, which we’ve all enjoyed. So, now we’re joining moms groups with our new friends and giving it another whirl. We just had to find the right group.
YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN