Why Moms Don’t Want to Talk
Please text, don't call.
I love my children. I love watching my 2-year-old pretend the tummy time mat is a magic carpet and I love how her little brother laughs at her when she yells, “Magic carpet away!” I love reading books, building blocks and going to the park. But let’s be honest, life as a stay-at-home mom isn’t all magic, pretend and couch snuggles. At least 70% of my day is boring—mind numbingly boring.
Sure, the first 15 minutes of lunch are fun, but after that, I just sit there bouncing the baby, reminding my daughter not to stand on the chair, not to spit, not to throw food and watch out with her cup. And when it’s potty time, my daughter likes to just sit and sing songs, while I stand outside the door because she wants to “be weft awone!” Then, there is playing restaurant where I have to just sit and pretend to eat wooden tomatoes. And time out, where I hide in the kitchen, while my daughter yells from her little wooden stool, “I all done doin’ naughty fings! I all done!”
Consequently, I spend a lot of time texting with my friends. We swap remedies for colds, tell jokes about Kim Kardashian and share our parental frustrations. I also text my husband—I tell him to pick up pizza or ask him when he’s coming home. Please come home! I send him a funny anecdotes from our day and let him know that I’m binge eating mini Snickers while our daughter is in time out. I tell him that I’ve had to wipe pee off the floor five times.
He’s usually away from his phone and doesn’t respond. But that’s okay. These little connections throughout the day sustain me by reminding me that I’m not alone. That there are conversations to be had besides, “we don’t wipe boogers on our brother.”
A recent study found that 30% of Millennial moms prefer to text their partners rather than talk to them on the phone. Cue the hand wringing about our loss of humanity. But I actually think that these moments keep me connected to my husband and my friends in ways that wouldn’t be possible with small children. Ever tried to have a meaningful phone conversation while watching an infant and a 2-year-old? Cold fusion is easier than that.
Also, my husband works in an engineering lab most of the day. Having a phone conversation is out of the question. If it weren’t for texting, we might not communicate until the end of the day when we are both exhausted. And by then, I’ve forgotten that my daughter told me that gorgeous means “wookin’ wike daddy” or that the baby spit up on the princess dolls and a riot ensued.
And I know he loves these insights into our day, the funny moments, the moments of desperation. It makes him feel connected to his kids while he’s out at work.
It’s easy to decry the end of humanity because moms are texting all the time. But truthfully, these little lifelines help me stay sane, help me stay grounded, give me perspective and help me ride out those 20-minute pooping sessions with patience.
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