It could take months before a couple's sex life is back to normal, explains Mannix. Edbril estimates that it could take even longer – up to two years – and the "irony is that's when [a couple] starts thinking about baby number two." But Edbril believes that a couple should find more time together after about three months, when the baby sleeps for longer stretches. She offers some tips on how to resume a sexual relationship with your spouse:
- Normalize the situation: You and your spouse both need to understand that your lack of sexual desire, and less frequent sex, is normal. Moms have had a disruption to their bodies. Their "energy has changed, and sex is a different experience," says Edbril.
- Be realistic and think about what you are both looking for.
- Figure out how to make that happen together.
"A big part of having a baby," states Edbril, "is mourning that life will never be the same." There is now a baby who needs constant attention, and the couples that adjust the best are those who accept, acknowledge, and embrace these life changes.
Couples can absolutely resume a normal sex life after having a baby. Leeann, who endured three months of sex-free bed rest while pregnant, resumed having sex with her husband only six weeks after giving birth. She admits to initially being scared about how sex would feel post delivery, but was shocked by how her vagina returned to normal.
"The good news is," laughs Carol "After all that, my sex life is better than ever!" She suggests that new parents be realistic about their new situations. Life has changed; most of your time is focused on your child. "Sometimes," she says, "You need to ignore the dishes, dirt, and laundry and just sit down and make the time to be together."
*These names have been changed