What Your Fights Say about Your Relationship
Once you figure out your fighting style, you can start to change it. For example, if you fall under “The Boxer” category, you may be “insecure about your own power and self-worth and therefore must always respond with ‘teaching that lesson,’” suggests Mandel. Rather than reacting immediately in a situation, knowing your fighting style can help you understand why you respond in the manner that you do so that you can break the pattern of behavior, Mandel says.
Most disagreements erupt when a strength is paired with a weakness, according to Kurland. “One partner is more experienced, more skilled, more knowledgeable, or more informed than the other on the subject matter in conflict,” says Kurland. The result ends up being a fight.
What really matters, says Kurland, is how the fight is resolved. If it is finished, and both parties are satisfied, the fight can actually strengthen the relationship. If a fight is allowed to simmer for days without resolution, it can be damaging.
Finally, how you fight can say a lot about you as an individual. Kurland says that “conflicts can be interpreted as a longing for attention, a sign of selfishness, an outlet for releasing what’s been festering underneath one’s skin for some time,” and more. It can even just be a sign that you’re irritable, tired, or stressed.
Putting an End to Bad Habits
Now that you recognize the fighting styles, you can learn how to banish those bad habits and take on a healthier method of coping with disagreements.
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