What Your Fights Say about Your Relationship
“Never return fire,” says Joel Epstein, author of The Little Book on Big Ego. Even if your partner says something offensive to you, “be nice in the face of nastiness.” This allows you to get to the end of the disagreement faster and to come to some sort of compromise.
Another great way to resolve conflict is to follow the 85/15 rule, says Kurland. If your partner is really passionate or has more conviction about an issue, he should be allowed 85 percent of the desired outcome to go in his favor, while you receive 15 percent in yours. As time goes on, the acquisition of a desired outcome will go back and forth, allowing for a balanced, healthy playing field, says Kurland. Essentially, the compromise will be in his majority sometimes and in yours other times. The natural progression of your relationship will balance it out.
Most of the time, couples’ fights concern silly, trivial things. Rather than getting all bent out of shape, laugh! “A hearty laugh is a far better choice than endless arguing and blaming,” Kurland says.
Keeping in line with the trivial, if your husband leaves his dirty underwear all over the bedroom floor, you no doubt do something that he finds equally irritating, like keeping your manicure stuff out on the coffee table. In this case, you have a choice—you can either fight about it or just accept that you each have annoying habits. Kurland refers to this as a “you have your department, I have my department” sort of thing. Hubby leaves his underwear out, you like your nail polish out. It’s no big deal. Recognizing the offending habits and opting to deal with them rather than fight eliminates the problem altogether.
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