When You're Not in the Mood

Waking up the Libido

According to Debbie Mandel, stress-management specialist and author of Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul, marriages can survive a temporary libido dip. "When women are stressed and busy, they feel fatigued and irritable—add to that mix fewer hours of sleep. Intimacy in the bedroom is viewed as another thing on her to-do list, and because the timing is the end of the day, it will be the one on the list to go," she says.

Although it sounds unromantic, Mandel says intimacy may need to be scheduled. "Get a babysitter and go out as a couple. Dress for the occasion. Think of your partner as someone you want to attract. See him through the eyes of another woman who desires him and not think of him as a parasitic husband/father who doesn't do as much as you around the house," Mandel says.

Looking for more ideas to put you in the mood? Mandel offers couples the following tips for fostering intimacy:

• Try and visualize a romantic scenario. Rehearse it in your mind. "Sex begins in the mind," she explains.
• Tap into your five senses to set the stage in the bedroom. "Take a relaxing candlelit bath with fragrances and wine. If you don't have time for that, take a hot shower and let it relax your muscles and give yourself a massage in your favorite fragrant crème," Mandel says.
• Try cuddling and not speaking. Connect as a couple without any pressure.
• Exercise daily from 15 to 30 minutes, preferably using large muscle groups to release testosterone in your body which raises libido. "You will shed stress, release endorphins, feel energized and look better! So, the next step is to get physical with your husband," explains Mandel.

Mandel points out that research shows that once you become more intimate, it becomes more natural and your desire increases.