When You're Not in the Mood
Gigi Sage, relationship expert and founder of Productive Partnerships Inc., notes that if you lose intimacy, be patient and do things together that you always enjoyed.
“Take a shower together, massage each other’s feet, take a walk, go dancing, and keep your heart open. Having children is one of most rewarding things in life, but to build a truly strong family you need to take care of yourself first, then your partnership, and then your child,” she says.
Sage also recommends focusing on you. “Instead of pressuring yourself to fix the situation with your spouse, focus on you. Sometimes a new mom gets so absorbed in her new role that she completely forgets about herself,” she says.
Are you bathing regularly? Getting haircuts? Working out at the gym? “Trade babysitting with other moms so you can get time for yourself. Join a gym that offers child care. Put the playpen in the bathroom. Life flows better—and you’re more likely to get lucky—when you’re having a good hair day,” says Sage.
Don’t forget to feed your soul. “Some new moms get fed up because all they can talk about anymore is their children. Keep a focus on something that inspires you and makes you feel vibrant and alive,” Sage says. A weekly class, such as photography, or hobby is a good start.
Finally, notice what is working for you. “Everyone likes to feel appreciated for the contribution they’re making. The more you focus on acknowledging each other for the things—little and big—that you do, the more you’ll both see the good in each other,” says Sage. “After all, that positive feeling of love and affection is the foundation on which intimacy is built.”
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