What's Your Parenting Style?

Learning How to Parent as A Team

By Lynne Reeves Griffin, RN, MEd

In this article:
The Styles
Reactive Style of Parenting
Wavering Style of Parenting
Proactive Style of Parenting
Parenting Strategies

What type of parent are you? Learn about different parenting styles and successful tips for mom and dad.

A fundamental skill for powerful parenting is your ability to set clear, direct and specific limits. Limits should be easy for your child to follow. But it's hard to always know what your non-negotiable limits for behavior should be, so wouldn't you think that parenting with your spouse would make it easier? Not so, according to many of the parents I work with in consultation. While most parents agree that parenting together is important, many say that blending two parenting styles makes setting limits even harder.

The Styles

Let's divide the parenting styles into three types:

Reactive
Wavering
Proactive

Reactive Style of Parenting

If you have the reactive style of parenting you may feel that you are spending most of your parenting time in conflict with your child. Although you may have clear limits, you tend to react to your child's misbehavior in angry or frustrated ways. Emotions may run high in your family with no one quite sure how to stop the constant conflict. Peaceful times seem few and far between. Often, behavioral skill building doesn't take place, but testing of boundaries and limits does.

This style of parenting encourages your child to either avoid or provoke your reactions and teaches your child how to negotiate limits.

Wavering Style of Parenting

If you have the wavering style of parenting, you may have limits but be inconsistent about following through. Do you do a lot of talking and not a lot of acting when it comes to discipline? My guess is that your child may be pushing the limits because of your inconsistency. She may even be taking advantage of your inability to anticipate behavioral troublespots.

If you waver in your limit setting and follow through, your child learns that sometimes you mean what you say but often you don't. This style of parenting encourages testing of limits because you child must test to know just what you expect of her.

Proactive Style of Parenting

If you have the proactive style of parenting, you have firm, unmistakable limits that are clearly conveyed to your child. This style of parenting fosters age-appropriate, independent decision making by your child.

When misbehavior occurs, words are followed by appropriate action. Your parenting is like having a backyard surrounded by a sturdy fence. Your child can choose to run or swing or slide but the boundaries of his yard are clear. You are teaching your child the skills he needs to become capable, responsible, and to be motivated from within. His ability to accept limits and act in acceptable ways will help him handle life's ups and downs.