Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Bridging the parenting gap

In this article:
Facts and Figures
Why Do Grandparents Do It?
The Challenges of Parenting…Again
How Do the Grandchildren Fare?
The Happy Ending
September 12, 2004 is National Grandparents Day!
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Having survived one round of parenting, a growing number of grandparents are stepping up to the challenge of raising their children's children.

Anne found it hard to say goodbye to her teenage daughter, Sarah, as Sarah prepared to leave her small town in Canada for college, thousands of miles away. Sarah experienced a difficult goodbye, as well. Not only was she leaving her parents, but also her own daughter, Lisa. As they marked this significant milestone in all their lives, Anne knew that going to college was the best thing for Sarah, so she was willing to do her part to help ensure a better future for her daughter. Sarah thought that when she was older and more stable she'd come back for Lisa. She never did.

The story of Anne, Sarah, and Lisa has a happy ending, but a growing number of grandparents like Anne are facing significant challenges these days as they put their own lives on hold to raise their grandchildren.

Facts and Figures

The 2000 United States Census revealed that more than 2.4 million grandparents are heads of households in which their grandchildren live. That adds up to one in 12 families. According to the 2001 Canada Census, Anne is one of the 56,790 grandparents who are the primary caregivers for their grandchildren. Half of these caregivers are going it alone, without a partner. For both countries, the numbers have steadily been on the rise.

Why Do Grandparents Do It?

"Parenting a grandchild is a necessity born of tragedy, and tragedy has no regard for race, class, ethnicity, location or religion," say Sylvie De Toledo and Deborah Edler Brown, co-authors of the book, Grandparents as Parents: A Survival Guide for Raising a Second Family. Many families are in crisis, stemming from a host of problems that are on the increase. This correlates with the growing number of grandparents taking over parenting from their children for reasons including the following:

• divorce
• child abuse
• neglect/abandonment
• incarceration
• HIV/AIDS
• substance abuse (drugs and alcohol)
• teenage pregnancy
• parental death

De Toledo and Edler point out that "Drugs and alcohol account for more than 80 percent of the grandparent families." The familial bond runs deep, as grandparents step in to keep these children safe, loved, and out of foster care.

After enduring a long battle to save her grandchild, Jenny, who was born with Fetal Alcohol Effect, Betty Cornelius created the CANGRANDS website as a resource for grandparents and family members who are raising extended family members. Betty was able to share the care of Jenny with the birth parents 10 to 15 days a month until the little girl was three-and-a-half years old. During the time that Jenny spent with the parents, Betty says, "Jenny suffered from four poisonings, molestation and numerous falls, all of which required hospital care." Betty fought her son and daughter-in-law for custody of Jenny. The birth parents had free lawyers while Betty borrowed $28,000 to help fund her battle. Finally, Betty was awarded custody after it was discovered that the maternal grandfather was a pedophile.

Betty sums up her experience like this, "Jenny is worth every cent. But the stress of the court battle led to high blood pressure and many health-related problems for me. Plus I lost my job. I worry about how I will ever catch up as I no longer have any retirement funds. I worry about short-term things like braces, lessons, and camp for Jenny. Then I worry about the long-term things like college and her wedding. Basically, we worry that our health and funds won't hold up long enough to see her into adulthood."