The Marriage Challenge: Rules to Love By

By Elizabeth Pantley

The Marriage Challenge: Rules to Love By

In this article:
Make a commitment
Look for the good
Give two compliments every day
Play nice
Pick your battles
The 60-second cuddle
Spend more time talking and listening
Enjoy couple time

Is your marriage everything you ever hoped it could be? Or has it been pushed down your list of priorities since having children? Let's face it, parenthood is a full-time job, and it dramatically changes your marriage relationship.

Marriage is the foundation upon which your entire family is structured. If your marriage is strong, your whole family will be strong; your life will be more peaceful, you'll be a better parent, and you'll, quite simply, have more fun in your life.

Make a commitment

To create or maintain a strong marriage you will have to take the first critical step: You must be willing to put time, effort, and thought into your marriage. When I made this statement during a lecture, one woman spoke up. She had a quiet voice, but she spoke with determination, "Elizabeth, I hear you, and I know what you say is right. But I have three preschoolers! I work part-time, do all my own housework, cooking, and laundry. I just don't have any more energy at the end of the day to 'work' on my marriage."

I noticed that several other women in the room were nodding their heads as she spoke and they waited for my response. "I certainly understand! I have four children and my own business, I know how busy life can be. But let me ask you one vital question: how would you like to have three preschoolers, work part-time, do your own housework, cooking, and laundry, and do it all as a single mother? Because if you take care of everything else, and neglect your marriage, that's what could happen."

Suddenly every mother who nodded a minute ago was looking at me with wide eyes. The thought that their marriage, which was at the very bottom of their priority list, could be in jeopardy, hit them very hard. I noticed that I now had the complete attention of several of the fathers who earlier seemed lost in their own thoughts.