Becoming a Stay-Home Mom

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Putting a woman's career on the back burner to become a stay-at-home mother is an easy choice for some families and a very difficult decision for others. Either way, becoming a stay-at-home mom entails numerous adjustments, challenges, and incomparable rewards and joy.

Raising a family with a mom who stays at home is a dream some couples have always shared, while for others it's a difficult decision to reach. Either way, becoming a stay-at-home mother is a life-changing event that includes plenty of adjustments, challenges, and incomparable rewards and joy.

Planning Money Matters

Fear of losing a second income paralyzes some couples from becoming a stay-home parent family. Yet with the proper planning and devotion to their goal, many couples can help dispense with that insecurity and find workable options to help them.

Certified Financial Planner™ Steve Hawkins with American Express Financial Advisors, Inc. in Cincinnati, Ohio, says a couple that decides to have a stay-home parent should prepare financially for bringing a new person into the household and dropping an income. "One of the best strategies I've ever seen is for a couple to actually live on the one salary prior to the pregnancy or birth," says Hawkins. He recommends that couples serious about stay-home parenting live on the husband's salary while placing the wife's into a savings account, not to be touched. This gives the couple an idea of how the money will flow after switching to a single income while building some savings.

Hawkins adds that it's crucial a couple look at committed expenses versus discretionary expenses. "You've got to pay the mortgage or rent, auto insurance and groceries, but do you have to have a high entertainment budget?" he says. "I see people with three or four cell phones that go out to dinner every week, and they're not willing to change that. Ask, ' What do we have to pay for and what do we choose to pay for?'" He says anything from magazine subscriptions and cable TV to extravagant vacations can be considered discretionary expenses. "You can decrease your lifestyle and increase your income, but you need discipline in doing it."

To help separate committed and discretionary spending, Hawkins recommends a couple keep a diary to track expenses. "Put yourself on a budget and see where the money is spent," he says. "Keep a record; it's too easy to pay in cash and not remember where the money goes. It's easiest with one credit card, one checking account."

When evaluating finances, couples should also consider the costs a working woman may incur after the baby is born: childcare, commuting costs, business clothing and dry cleaning, lunches out with co-workers, taxes etc. While you may have less family income if you're a stay-home mom, the difference in what you take home after expenses may not be as extreme as you'd expected, and with some sacrifice you can make staying home a reality.

Work-at-Home Alternatives
The prospect of becoming a stay-home mom may be very appealing to some women, while others may have mixed feelings about the loss of a family's second income. Additionally, they may be reluctant to give up the mental challenges associated with involvement in the workforce and concerned about keeping up with their careers.

In today's business world, becoming a stay-home mom doesn't have to be an "all or nothing" proposition. Some companies are willing to re-negotiate a woman's job description, enabling her to work from home. Telecommuting options and flexible work schedules are becoming more commonplace and can even be economically viable options for employers as opposed to investing in the training of replacement personnel.

Other opportunities worth exploring include home-based businesses, consulting, web-page designing, freelance writing or translating. Moms working from home face additional demands, but it can be the ideal solution for a woman who wants to earn supplemental income or keep a "foot in the door" of her career field, yet be home with her children.

New Emotions

Loneliness and Making Friends

A woman just beginning life as a stay-home mom will likely experience more changes than just those to the checkbook. For many moms, the transition from work to home brings an unfamiliar and often unexpected emotion: loneliness. That she's no longer spending her days with co-workers at the office or joining chums for a late dinner and movie can be a shock to the system. "My loneliest time was when Danny was first born," says Mary Ellen Flanagan, a stay-home mom in Middletown, Rhode Island. "Slowly, I discovered Gymboree and the MOMS group at church where I met some great friends."

Avoiding isolation is critical. Sherri Brothers, coordinator for Living with Baby class in Everett, Washington, says loneliness is common in new moms. Sometimes women even find they are "jealous or resentful that hubby gets to go off to work," says Brothers. She recommends finding a source of support outside the house. "Join a mommy/baby group or mommy/baby exercise class, contact moms from your childbirth classes, find a church group, start a playgroup…"

Outlets such as those Brothers mentions are wonderful places for making friends and finding playmates for children. "[These places] give moms somewhere to go every week. There's comfort in knowing almost everyone in the room is sharing your experience and provides an atmosphere where it's okay to talk about your baby as much as you want, in fact you're encouraged to do so," says Brothers, who has seen many long-term friendships develop in her classes.