Who's Manning the Fort? Stay-at-Home-Dads

By Claire Matze

Who's Manning the Fort? Stay-at-Home-Dads

In this article:
Why Become a Stay-at-Home Dad?
Social Issues, Isolation, and Support Groups
Same Issues as Stay-at-Home Moms
Children Benefit from Having a SAHD
Coping as a Family

As more men opt to become their children's primary caregivers, parents need to feel comfortable with their choices or risk being catapulted into self-worth and social isolation issues.

An infant's wail rents the air. Adult arms pick up the baby, clasping tiny, curling fingers. Busy hands prepare a feeding, change diapers, cook dinner, do the laundry, and even wash the car.

Less than a short generation ago, one would have assumed those hands to be female, mothering hands caring for their young and doing the zillion tasks that go into running a home and raising a family. Today, that assumption is not necessarily true.

According to the US Census Bureau, there are more than 2.5 million fathers in the United States alone who are raising their children full-time, and those numbers are steadily growing as women climb higher on the corporate ladder. The latest figures show a three-percent jump over the last six years in the number of preschoolers (living with both parents) cared for by a stay-at-home dad.

So what's the big deal? People do what they have to do to make a living and take care of their children, right?

Well, not quite. A couple's childcare decisions affect their lifestyle and their children's well-being. Both parents need to feel comfortable with their choices or risk being catapulted into struggles with self-worth and social isolation issues.

Why Become a Stay-at-Home Dad?

There are a number of reasons why fathers become stay-at-home dads, ranging from economic reasons when the wife earns more money, to choosing who should be the one to sacrifice a career when having an at-home parent becomes a priority.

Patrick Hawley is a 33-year-old network administrator who quit his job to take care of his first child, Tallulah. His wife, Marcy, is art director for a national magazine. "When Lulu was born," Hawley says, "the plan was for my wife to work from home and watch her. It didn't work out that way; she had to go back to work. I enjoyed my work, but I knew I wouldn't miss my job as much as she'd miss hers; she loved it. We wanted one of us to be with Lulu, so for us that was the ultimate solution."

Social Issues, Isolation, and Support Groups

In numerous Web forums, stay-at-home dads have commented that one of the hardest issues is dealing with isolation, as well as receiving the cold shoulder from stay-at-home moms. Also, there's the unspoken assumption that a SAHD is not "there" by choice, but has either been laid off or is unemployed.