I feel my story is a little bit different, though I share the same hopes and fears, and I have undergone the same emotional rollercoaster.
I've been married now for 3 years and a half, with no single incident of pregnancy or even a glimpse of hope in it. In the 1st year, I was very relaxed and never thought about pregnancy or motherhood, maybe even "too" relaxed, so I knew it's not about stress at all. After the end of the 1st year, we waited for another 8 months to get tested and start our journey in infertility clinics. We have postponed this for a strange reason (at least for many people it seems strange). We both are too romantic to let a doctor involve in our sex life. We felt it is something too personal, and we hoped it would just happen naturally. I could see no reason why I'm not conceiving, having a regular period, enjoying a healthy sex life, and maybe even more important loving each other so deeply, we felt we deserve to have a child as a symbol of our love (too romantic, I guess!)
Anyhow, we felt at last it is time for having tests after 20 months of marriage. The first hormonal tests and semen analysis were ok, and we were told the same silly advice of "just relax", even by some doctors! Come on, it's not about relaxation at all! Deep inside, I felt there is a medical reason keeping us from conceiving, but we have not figured it out yet.
After a whole year of tests that showed perfect results and more frustrations with them, and after seeing a dozen of doctors, we finally found out the reason. It was that I had antisperm antibodies in my cervix. This was the most terrible shock in my life, and I felt the situation to be absolutely ironic. How come that my body is hostile to my husband's sperm, while I love everything about him so much? And how come that so many women conceive naturally and have unwanted pregnancies while they hate their husbands? I was told by my doctor that I should go for artificial insemination, as there is no medicine for this case. This was even more shocking. I refused to believe this, and I went into a state of denial. I even sought a second and a third opinion. I tried to find anyone to tell me I can conceive naturally, but it was of no use. No one told me so.
After I calmed down, I began to be convinced by the idea of AI, especially that it is a simple procedure and not costly, but my husband wasn't as much convinced. He liked the idea of being a father, but he did not "want" it that badly. It was not something vital for him, and he never made me feel our life was lacking anything without children. We were happy and we had each other, and when it is destined for me to conceive it will happen, whether we seek the help of a doctor or not. He thought the sacrifice of going for AI was "too great" for him to bear, and he was also afraid of the emotional rollercoaster and ready to lead a childless life only to avoid it. This was his point of view. However, I could not agree to this. The problem was how to get our points of view together or reach a compromise. But there was no compromise in such a case. It is either to do the procedure or not. So the only compromise I found possible was to wait some more time until I bring up the issue of AI again. I waited, but this time with no hope of natural conception at all. I waited for my period every month, as if I am not married at all, and I didn't allow myself to buy a home pregnancy test or think about pregnancy at all. However, deep down inside me I had a slight hope that this would work and that a miracle would happen. Who knows!
Now it's time for me to go through the AI. I will do it by the end of this month. I am filled with hope and fear, but at the same time my expectations are not too high. I know this technique has low success rates, and it is likely to fail in the first attempt. However, let's hope for the best. I don't know whether I can convince my husband to make a second attempt if this one fails, or when this is going to be possible, but I'm still optimistic. The only thing which concerns me now is whether we will be able to forget the hard times and the emotional rollercoaster we went through once we succeed? Many people say so, but I don't believe this will be the case for us. I'm not the type who forgets failure and disappointment easily, even after achieving success. The memory of failure always remains bitter. I'm afraid we will always look at our child and regret that we were not able to conceive him/her naturally. Anyhow, I hope all these turn out to be silly fears. Who knows!

Soha

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Me and my husband have been trying for a baby for 7 years went to ninewells for treatment that worked but then i had a miscarriage, now we are saving for ivf in jan or feb. it has been so hard, we split up for four months due to the stress of it but we are back together and staying strong. i will never give up on my dream for a baby. i will visit a phsycic before we go for the ivf, i was told we would have a little girl before we are 30 the last time. its hard but the one thing we done wrong in the past is we never talked, talking is so important to get through it.

ria

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I was trying to conceive for about six months, and it was a true emotional rollercoaster. I was depressed, I constantly ate, and cried myself to sleep. I decided to forget about trying and just think about other things that I put off when we were trying to conceive. I put the stress away and welcomed something new. Two months into the change, I'm glad to say we're having a baby.

Pamela Cruz

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My husband and I live in Sydney, Australia, but are American citizens. Last year we got married, I turned 30, and we decided to start a family. Since I didn't get my period regularly (I probably got it three times a year) I decided to start with a check-up at the gynecologist's. Right away after hearing my problem of lack of a regular cycle, which meant lack of regular monthly ovulation, my gynecologist automatically referred me to a fertilitiy specialist. What I didn't realize at the time was that Australia is actually very advanced in terms of fertility treatment.



The fertility doctor was very helpful and hopeful. If my only problem was the lack of a regular cycle, he could rememdy that by putting me on a fertility drug that would regulate my ovulation, and thus time intercourse at the appropriate time. He ordered some regular blood tests to check hormone levels, ...etc. and I made an appointment to come back the following week to get the results and start my treatment of fertility drugs.



What happened at the next doctor's visit absolutely blew me away. I was told that the results of the blood test revealed that my body has extremely high levels of sperm antibodies, 95% compared to 10% that most women have. What that meant, I was told, was that my chances of getting pregnant naturally were less than 1%. My only hope was IVF.



I can't put into words how I felt. The wind was taken out of my sails. I so wanted to bring into the world a little someone who was a piece of me and my husband, a product of our love for one another. The feelings of inadequacy were debilitating. I didn't deserve to be a woman. And God obviously didn't think I deserved to be a mother either. To add insult to injury, things were not going well at work and I was looking forward to a new career, one as a mother. Now it seemed my aspirations to become a mother were extinguished.



My doctor suggested that my husband and I go to an information evening he was hosting on IVF. Again, I didn't know this at the time, but we were very lucky to be in Australia when it comes to IVF. IVF is much more affordable in Australia, their research is more progressive, and their practice is more conservative. Hope was on my side again after that informative evening. I was cautiously optomistic though. Looking around the room at the other women at the information session depressed me. Some looked clearly over 40 and were hoping for a last shot at getting pregnant. I was only 30, so I had more time on my hands, but I didn't know if I could go for round after round of IVF treatments and the emotional roller coaster ride that entailed after already feeling as though I had been through the wringer. But if this was my only shot I had to move forward with it. Besides, I felt very lucky to be in Australia at that point in time, we were looking at spending about $5000 AUD on our first round of IVF, not the $30,000 I had heard it could cost in the US.



My story has a short, happy ending. After dealing with only one minor setback (a cyst formed the first time I started the fertility drugs to form the eggs for IVF), the very first embryo that was implanted took!



Last Christmas I was truly blessed when we found out that I was pregnant. Savanna Hope was born August 12, and now as I write this, my little four-month-old bundle of joy lays sleeping soundly in her crib.

Jennifer

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Both of my sisters and myself had infertility problems. They decided to go the route of drugs, injections, in vitro, etc. I am very glad they did because they have healthy, beautiful children that I love very much. For me, my attitute was entirely different. I decided that if it wasn't in the cards for me and my husband to have children we could live with that fact. I guess my attitude about conception is the same as my feelings towards abortion. I do not feel as though I have the right to manipulate a life coming or going into this world. The miracle of life is just that, and not up to me to decide. After 11 years of marriage and a relatively healthy sex life, and after accepting the idea that we may be childless, much to our shock and great happiness, I got pregnant! Our baby girl is the greatest miacle of our lives and she seems much more special to us because she came at just the right time. Any sooner or later things would have been quite different. I am happy I left this up to a higher power!


We never dwelled on, or stressed about having children, just accepted what life had to throw our way. Relax....you'll get pregnant!

Nikki Feeley

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