Q&A: How do I get my three-year-old to behave in public?

How do I get my three-year-old to behave, especially in public? I am a stay-at-home mother of two. Our daughter just turned three and our son is 20 months.

Here are a few examples of her behavior. The other day we went to the local mini-grocery store. I told her before we went in that she had to stay by my side and not touch anything. Once in the store, she proceeded to pick candy from the display. I said, "No candy today. Put it back." She shook her head. Then her little brother started to copy her. After a few repeats of this, I had to wrestle the candy (which she was starting to open) out of her hands and put it back. She also did not stay by me in the store.

A few days prior to the store incident, we had gone to a local zoo/amusement park with another mother and her two children. After looking at animals, we had lunch. She was hitting and kicking her brother at lunch and I told her that if she kept doing it, she would not go on any rides after lunch. She hit her brother again, so I told her, "No rides today." When we got near the rides, she had a fit when I told her no. She flailed her arms and legs, spittle was flying, and she even soiled her pants. I took my children to the van to wait for our friends to finish up and join us. She did eventually calm down, but almost had me crying, too. I did not yell at her during this, just reiterated a few times that there would be no rides that day because she had hit her brother at lunch.

My husband thinks maybe she doesn't understand what I'm saying when I talk about consequences. I'm also tired of threats and bribes. Right now we're also working on going number two in the toilet. She suffers from some pretty bad constipation and although we have her literally potty trained, she is not poopy trained. Our clinic tells us to make her sit on the toilet five to ten minutes after meals, but how do we do that when she's screaming and flailing and tries to run from the bathroom at every opportunity?

She also comes into our room every night to sleep in our bed. The last two nights have been a compromise. She shows up around midnight and we let her sleep on our floor. Then about 4:30 a.m. she wakes up and gets into our bed. Frankly, I'm tired of fighting with her in the middle of the night. At least with her on the floor until 4:30, my husband and I have the bed to ourselves longer.

Sorry this is so long. I guess I needed to vent my frustration a bit. I love my daughter, but she needs to know that she doesn't call the shots.