Sharing Your Pregnancy News with a Fertility-Challenged Friend

Congratulations, you're pregnant! But wait—you and your best friend were supposed to get pregnant together. You were going to share maternity clothes, eat pickles and ice cream together, and raise your babies on the same street. Except, she's been trying to conceive for quite a while and it's just not working. You thought for sure this last round of Clomid would work for her. But it didn't.

You're just bursting with anticipation and excitement, but you're not sure how to act around your friend anymore. There's awkwardness between the two of you that wasn't there before. So, what should you do? Take some tips from a gal who's been on both sides of the fence. I tried for a long time to have children the old-fashioned way until a whole lot of luck, a staggering amount of money, and a couple of great doctors came together to get me pregnant, not once, but twice! So I know how it feels to the be the only flat-bellied girl at the baby shower, and I know what it's like to finally get pregnant and feel sort of guilty about my good luck when some of my friends were still thinking it would never happen to them.

It can be a fine line to walk, but a little insider knowledge and some basic sensitivity is really all you need to help you maneuver this new twist in your friendship.

Breaking the News

You're pregnant, you're thrilled, and you want to shout it from the rooftops, so grab your bullhorn and have a blast! But when it comes time to tell your friend, you might want to tone it down a little.

Be sensitive when you tell her, and try to give her the scoop before you tell the rest of the office or neighborhood because it gives her some time to digest the information and get past her own disappointment, so she can feel honest-to-goodness happiness for you—or at least put on a brave face for the crowd.

Try to avoid the old "Guess what?" or "I've got a secret to tell you!" teasers before you drop the bomb. Realize that your friend has heard those clichéd dinosaurs a million times, and trust me, she knows the punch line.

No matter how you break the news, don't lie! When I was going through infertility treatments and all my friends and co-workers suddenly started expanding their families, I actually had a good friend who hid her pregnancy from me in a misguided attempt to spare my feelings. So I heard about it via water-cooler gossip, and although I sort of appreciated her awareness of my situation, instead of feeling happy for her or sad for myself, I just wound up feeling patronized.

You've got nothing to feel guilty about! And there's no way to hide your good news for more than a few weeks anyhow, so go ahead and announce it. Just use a little common sense about it.