Sharing Your Pregnancy News with a Fertility-Challenged Friend
Pregnant women not only have a full-time hobby—being pregnant and soon, childcare—they also have a new love in their lives—that new baby. So it’s no wonder they want to talk about it … excitedly and endlessly.
But realize that there’s a time and place for it. If you’re at lunch with a bunch of girlfriends, including the ones who are having a tough time in the baby-making department, and the main topics so far have been prenatal vitamins, swaddling, and ultrasounds, be a good friend and steer the conversation toward something they can relate to for a while. “OK, ladies, enough baby talk! How’s that project you’re working on, Denise?” Or make a joke, “I’m sure you’re all just fascinated by my stretch-mark drama, but did anyone see that article on front page of the paper today?”
The same goes for one-on-one conversations with your non-pregnant friends. Try to understand that they really do want to hear what’s going on with you, so you don’t have to pretend that you’re not actually growing a baby in that beautiful belly of yours. It’s just that a few minutes of chit-chat about your last doctor’s appointment or what kind of nursery furniture you’re considering is probably enough.
Calling Dr. Busybody
Your friend is worried that she’ll never have children. She’s upset and you naturally want to comfort her any way you can. So to lift her spirits you tell her about your sister-in-law who got pregnant, after years of trying, by taking a new fertility drug that you’ve heard is working wonders. Or you suggest that she try taking a break from the ovulation predictor kits for a while and just see if it happens naturally. Maybe you tell her about the gorgeous little girl your neighbors just adopted from China.
Stop. Really … just don’t.
Although those stories and suggestions are well intentioned, they almost always miss their mark. Infertility is caused by a multitude of medical issues ranging from endometriosis to fibroids to low sperm count. You can be sure that your friend is working with her physician to identify the issue and find the proper solution; so let the doctors do their job while you concentrate on the most important job a friend can do—listening.
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