When Marissa Mayer signed on to be Yahoo's new CEO, she received a compensation package reportedly worth at least $60 million, with millions in salary and stock and bonuses—plus something no other Fortune 500 CEO has ever gotten before: an endless supply of unsolicited pregnancy advice. There is just something about pregnancy that invites unwelcome suggestions and judgment, as Mayer has quickly learned. Perhaps instead of criticizing Mayer's decision to take the reins of a huge corporation while she's pregnant, and telling her what kind of maternity leave she should or shouldn't take, we should offer the woman some advice she might actually find helpful, such as:
The Top 10 Pregnancy Tips That Marissa Mayer Could Really Use
10. Despite being a former Google employee, Marissa, do not use Google to diagnose pregnancy "quirks" or determine whether that turkey sandwich is going to give you Listeria or as a substitute for your OB in any way—unless you want to unnecessarily stress yourself out even more.
9. Start saying "goodbye" to those gorgeous heels in your closet—because your feet may very well grow a half, or even full, size after pregnancy. Good thing your new salary will cover a new pair of pumps… or 50.
8. That uncomfortable feeling in your chest may not be a reaction to the latest shareholder meeting. Heartburn, as I learned all too well, is quite common in the tail-end of pregnancy.
7. Although you have many things on your "to do" list, such as preparing for a baby and turning around a multi-billion-dollar company, be sure to carve out time to do something almost as important: seeing a movie in the theater. Because you may not get a chance to do so again for another, oh, 18 years.
6. If an employee rubs your belly, she or he is pretty much asking to be fired on the spot. I think most anyone would agree.
5. Do not order a glass desk for your office because you may end up taking many naps under there. A dark, thick, concealing wood—and ample room for a maternity pillow—would be ideal.
4. Speaking of your desk, you should position it next to your personal bathroom because you will be making frequent trips there, thanks to your baby using your bladder as a squeeze toy.
3. It may be best to wait until after you've had the baby to share his name with friends and family. Unless, of course, you want everyone offering their opinions on that, too. ("Oh no, not Steven!" your mother-in-law will cry. "I knew a boy in third grade named Steven and he always cheated at kickball! I can't have my grandson named after a cheater!") But if you need some help, perhaps these baby names for future billionaires might be right up your alley.
2. If your hair starts to fall out after you've had the baby, don't blame it on the stress of juggling the demands of your family and investors and employees and nanny and Board of Directors and… well, you get the point. Postpartum hair loss is common, unfortunately, leaving wayward wisps in its wake.
1. As the poet Robert Burns once wrote, "The best-laid plans of men and women … all go down the drain when they have kids." Or something like that. Meaning: it doesn't matter what you have planned for this pregnancy, or what others think of those plans, because the only person really calling the shots is your baby boy. He's the boss now.
In other words, welcome to motherhood!