Q&A: My 4 1/2-year-old son comes into our room every night and wants to sleep with us. What can I do?

It sounds as if you are convinced that this behavior isn't due to stress or trauma, in which case you'll need to work out a plan to 'retrain' your son to sleep on his own.

You could start by telling him that your room is for adults only, but that you will help him get used to sleeping in his own bed. You can then either put him back in his bed, with you and your husband taking turns being in the room until he falls asleep (moving further back from his bed each night until you are just at the doorway), or start with him on a mattress in the doorway, then moving his mattress gradually back to his bed.

If he awakens, he gets returned right back to the place where he fell asleep for that night, and you may need to stay with him at first to enforce this. He needs to understand that there is no going backwards on the plan, no matter how much he cries and even if his brother does get woken up several times. Consistency is the real reason this plan ever works. Setting up a daytime reward system for every night that he complies serves to reinforce the behavior you are after. Lots of praise for acting like a 'big boy' may help motivate him as well.

Some of your first nights may be long, but sticking to the rules will bring him around sooner than if you back down, even once. Good luck!