Surviving the Holidays, Pregnant

Pregnant Holiday Scenarios

Scenario #1: You're pregnant but nobody knows. Perhaps a mere whiff of garlic makes you vomit or you can't abide the smell (let alone the taste) of your dad's famous latkes. What if you're trying to wait until the end of your first trimester before announcing your pregnancy to the family?

I guess you can plead the flu. Perhaps they won't notice you're pushing the turkey around your plate. I know you want to keep it secret (it saves a lot of heartbreak and hassle if you miscarry and don't want to have to explain it, over and over again, to the whole family), but this may be a time to enlist one ally who can help you cover when Aunt Polly keeps pressing her rank plum pudding on you.

Pregnant Holiday Scenario #2: You're pregnant and Great Aunt Edna is bugging you to name the baby after her dear departed husband, Melvin. Well, you know and I know that what you name your baby is your own #*&^^% business. But tolerate the poor dear. She's missing Melvin a lot right now. How about a pat on the back and a "Great idea! We'll certainly consider it! But we're keeping our choices secret until the big moment. More fun that way." Then compliment her on her scarf.

Pregnant Holiday Scenario #3: You're WAY pregnant and everybody keeps patting your tummy. People tend not to think about it as a swollen womb, and they tend to think of it as something free for feeling. But they'll certainly stop touching you there if you remind them. "Isn't my womb getting big, Uncle Morrie?" or "Please don't touch my womb, Grandma. It's a little sensitive today." You can even make a loud general announcement, "Can you believe that somebody felt up my womb on the bus yesterday?"

Pregnant Holiday Scenario #4: You're pregnant, and all the sappy family sentiment makes you choke up and weep almost continually. Well, nothing wrong with this; it's lovely, actually. If your pregnancy is known and/or highly visible, you can simply sob, "Pregnancy hormones!" as you borrow your significant other's hankie in order to honk. Otherwise, sniffle, "This time of year and all this family around just makes me feel so sentimental!" People will love you for it.