How Toddler & Preschooler Friendships Really Work

One of the most fascinating and difficult aspects of studying relationships among young children is that adults cannot tell exactly how these little kids feel.

"Friendship is a pretty complicated business," says Dr. Goodstein. "We're talking about kids who cannot truly discuss their inner lives or inner feelings."

As a result, some researchers are aiming to jump inside children's minds in new ways.

Sarah-Louise Moore, research assistant to Dr. Hay, says that most experiments on three-year-olds' understanding of friendship have been heavily based on asking children questions: "For example, if you ask a toddler, 'Why are you Jack's friend?' he or she will often reply, 'Because I am.'"

However, in a 2004 study by Moore that used puppets, flashcards, and an illustrated book, three-year-olds demonstrated a more complex understanding of the affection underlying friendship, even giving ideas for how "fictional characters could make friends again after an argument," according to Moore.

Such creative methods of investigating relationships could eventually lead to the discovery of reciprocal friendship in children younger than three, Moore says—giving us a new perspective into toddlers' ever-changing minds and budding friendships.