Respect Is a Two-Way Street

Actively Teaching Respect to Our Kids

Respect defined means "to show consideration to, to value or honor." If we want our children to respect us as parents, then certainly we must extend respect to them. Respect is truly a two-way street.

Respect defined means "to show consideration to, to value or honor." If we want our children to respect us as parents, then certainly we must extend respect to them. Respect is truly a two-way street.

How often do we hear that children today don't respect themselves or others? Newspapers and television abound with examples of disrespectful behavior and seem to suggest that nothing can be done to turn the tide. Much can be done and it begins with our parenting. It is our responsibility to teach respect to our children. Parents, who embrace respectful parenting, raise respectful children. In fact many of today's children are respectful of themselves, their parents and teachers but do not gain the attention of the media. Teaching respect is an active process and it begins with believing that respect is a right, not a privilege. When a two-year-old screams for juice, this is an opportunity to teach respectful behavior. A power struggle need not ensue over how to ask for juice, but this may be the time to describe what respect is and is not. Children internalize respect when they are shown that respectful behavior gets them what they need.

In this article, the elements of respectful parenting will be explored.

Role Modeling

You are your child's first and best teacher. What you do and say matters greatly to your developing child. If you treat your child with respect, you are teaching respect. Remember, there are many role models today that are counter to our beliefs and values, making the example we set even more important.

• Extend respect to your child and to people in general. Your child is watching you and will imitate your behavior.
• Talk to your child about what qualities make a person a good role model. Use real people as examples of good models and not so good models.
• Monitor your child's influences. When a child is young, it is easier to stop an activity or influence friendships.
• Discuss the behavior of others and your values related to the behavior. Older children will need to learn the coping skills necessary to get along with others whose values are different from theirs.

Positively reinforce your child's ability to make her own decisions. Being a leader takes courage and support.

Esteem

Your child's self-esteem comes from doing good deeds and succeeding at life's challenges. The three-year-old that masters zipping his jacket or the fourteen-year-old that makes the chorus feels good about himself. Global praise such as you are the best or you're such a good girl, does not have the same impact that mastery does. Insincerity or exaggerated praise costs you credibility.

• Make your praise specific. Real feedback about accomplishments builds esteem.
• Encourage your child to persevere especially when challenges seem insurmountable.

Don't praise your child for doing what is expected of him such as cleaning his room. It may seem as if you're surprised he rose to the occasion.

Structure and Boundaries

No matter how old a child is he needs clear boundaries and structure to succeed. It is tempting to think your older child can manage without structure and boundaries. In reality too much independence can be stressful as well as place her in situations that she is emotionally unable to handle

• Create age-appropriate routines for your child. Set nap times or homework times to help your child predict your expectations.
• Know where you child is at all times. The cultural influences that foster disrespect can be minimized.

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