Development
Does Birth Order Matter?
Whether they're first born, in the middle, the youngest, or the one and only, children all have personality characteristics associated with their birth order.
Have you ever considered how the order in which you were born—first (or only), in the middle, or last—has impacted your life? As a parent, it is more likely than not that you have been cautioned about neglecting your second or later-born children when it comes to inclusion in the family photo album, or warned about spoiling the youngest. Beyond the stereotypes, there is a body of research dating back to one of the fathers of psychology, Alfred Adler, that clearly shows how birth order helps shape who you are and how you approach the world, relationships, and parenting.
Rest assured that birth order does not mean destiny, and our children are not all preordained to become the firstborn perfectionist or ultimate perfectionist only child, the middle child seeking to define and prove herself, or the spoiled class clown as the baby of the family.
Disbelievers
While disbelievers often toss birth order into the same category as astrology and palm reading, when you take a closer look at birth order as an important determinant of who we are and who we become, it makes good sense. Chances are you wouldn't disagree if someone told you that first-time parents of an only child often have grand expectations and tend to focus a great deal of attention on that child, or that by the time parents have their last child, they pay just a little more attention to that baby, savoring the passing of each milestone and even relaxing the discipline a bit. It is just such common sense scenarios that illustrate the basis for birth order determination.
The Firstborn Child
While only some of you played the role of firstborn, all of you, as parents, have experienced the arrival of your firstborn child. From either vantage point, it will likely make sense that this position of distinction in any family has benefits and challenges. After all, being the sole recipient of a parent's undivided attention and devotion can make a child feel particularly special. At the same time, this attention can also come in the form of closer scrutiny and higher expectations, including setting a good example for younger siblings. For these reasons, firstborn children are typically perfectionists—not only from a lifetime of trying to meet expectations but also from having only adult role models during their childhoods.
Related Links
- Article: Sibling Fun: What to Do When Baby's on the Way
- Advice: Adjusting to a New Baby
- Slideshow: Second-Time Celebrity Moms Club
- Quiz: Are Your Kids Ready for a New Sibling?
- Poll: Do your children share a bedroom?
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